The Secret Poem

I want help

I don’t know what to say

I don’t know what to ask

And I can’t tell you about the silent scream that goes on and on

Only big black eyes in the night of a child

And cold gray fingers touching numb skin immobile with fright

So painful even the memory is taken away

But the scream goes on deep inside

Haunting Dreams 20 years later with cold harsh reality

So strange so far beyond unbelievable its incomprehensible

Anguish I have seen your  face

You can cling to ignorance like a shield

But my door has been opened in that ultimate violation

I forgive them now and thank god for the understanding it has brought me

As long as its not 3:30 AM


  This is perhaps the most intense and powerful poem I have ever written.  Its also the most traumatic experience I have been through.  When the memories started surfacing in my early 30’s I had more questions then answers but I knew it was real.  I had to drive on a road with space so I could scream in anger and pain  where no one could here me.  I didn’t want to subject them to be in the presence of the tears I had to shed and my voice with the intrusion that hurt beyond words.  Even still decades later this is so hard to write about but so many others will find healing in the expression and release.